All schools in the borough of Neath Port Talbot are to be
closed with immediate effect as a study by NASA has revealed that meteorites could
hit the Earth (the planet where all of these schools are on) at any moment.
Work has begun on a new multi-billion pound Super-Duper school where all kids will spend their time in complete safety from birth until 18 years old. The new school will have 50 foot steel walls with no windows and any meteorite would just ‘bounce’ off.
The council leader Init Fordamoney claimed ‘all schools in
Neath Port Talbot face a very real risk of being hit by a meteorite and we all
know what happened to the Dinosaurs.’
One of the Parents at one of the schools being effected told us ‘I’ve not read the NASA report but we can’t take any risks. Just look at what happened to the dinosaurs! I won’t take that risk with my children.’
Mr Takenfor A Ride went on to say ‘the council clearly have our best interest at heart, those saying that this is just an excuse to push on with their Super-Duper school which they are proposing are clearly being reckless with our children’s lives’.
Critics have claimed that the super-duper school would destroy the community, make local shops close, force kids as young as 1 week old to share classrooms with 18 year olds and is simply a money making scheme for big businesses with a few back handers for council leaders but it is thought that this risk will swiftly change public opinion.
Another parent told us ‘I was totally against the new school, I live in the local community on the same road as the school and it is at the heart of the community. Closing the school would no doubt result in the local shop going and then we’d be left with nothing in the village forcing everyone to drive everywhere they needed to go to which would obviously lead to almost no interaction between everyone in the village. But this report clearly states that a meteorite is going to hit that school any time now and I can’t put my children at that risk’.
Council leader Init Fordamoney reassured residents that their homes were safe ‘I have read the report in much detail and I actually own a telescope and so I know a lot about these things and I can assure residents that their homes are safe but every school in Neath Port Talbot is at immediate risk of total annihilation with all children facing certain death’.
Asked about the future of each school site Mr Fordamoney stated ‘all schools will be demolished and then sold off for houses.’
When asked about the prospect of a meteorite striking the houses where the schools once sat he went on to say ‘we will ensure that each house has an inbuilt telescope and so all residents would be able to see any threat long before it happened. There is no need for anyone to read the report, as I’ve already stated, I own a telescope myself, I know about these things’.
It is thought that the entire community is now totally behind the proposed school with a campaign to get the council leader knighted by the queen reaching 100,000 signatures. ‘he has single handily saved the lives of over 20,000 children in the borough, he deserves recognition for that’ stated local resident Icant Readareport.